To whom it may concern,
It has come to my attention that I have been made an object of fun on your internet sites. It saddens me to see a citizen’s sincere political activism be used to generate cheap laughs and low-blow leftist sensationalism.
Despite signing an anti-Obamacare petition under a pseudonym, I am absolutely committed to the repeal of this doomed legislation. I chose not to use my real name—David Thorpe—because I work in a liberal environment and wouldn’t want to face career repercussions; now, of course, I regret hiding my identity, but I still wanted to be counted among the numbers standing up against Obama.
I reject Obamacare because it is an affront to my personal liberty. I am strong as a bull and in perfect health, and I refuse to be coerced into the legalized gambling that is “health insurance” by some unconstitutional mandate, just so my dollars can subsidize the weak and sick. My pen name reflects my belief in liberty: I am called Weedlord because I slurp mad rips off a 50-foot bong called The Phallus of Zeus, for which I must rent a cherry picker. I am called Bonerhitler because my boner is a dangerously charismatic force of oppression and destruction.
Please do not characterize me as a “troll,” because my signature was sincere, and I stand by it.
AKA Weedlord Bonerhitler